I am drunk... definitely... i can feel it in my guts... i can feel it in my head...
How much more raw can you get... when you write a line under the influence of this much alcohol...
Alone... in a foreign country... truly and utterly alone
How many of you my faithful readers have ever felt well and truly alone
Like the world outside is not real... like this life in unreal
What is real... the only thing that is real is you... you alone is real everything else is not
That i am not writing this godforsaken document
That i am not just struggling to make sense of what it is that i am doing
That i just left everything i know and love
That i just ran away from whatever it is i was running away from
From this complete and utter heartbreak
Of a live shattered and broken
Of a live i never dreamt of and yet made to believe was possible
Once again shattered dreams
Yet not much tears was shed for the loss of a life never to be lived
Never you mind
I am here now
Alone in a foreign country trying to make it
I can do this
As raw as my emotions are right now
I know i will make it
Blast the person who has hurt me so
Blast all this pretence of not being hurt
Blast all the political correctness of believing that all is good
I am not ok, i am lost and lonely and have no fucking idea what will become of me
All this time
I am waiting for the rain
I am waiting for the rain that will wash away all my tears
Tears i have not cried
Tears i cannot cry
Even through this drunken raw state
I can still have my logic stopping me from crying
Stopping me from misspelling my words
With the loud thumping sounds
With the strum of heavy electric guitar
I move my head and nodded to the sounds that will make me forget about this shit
I can do this
I will prevail
When you have look at loneliness in the eyes
Starred into the face of utter loneliness
And live to see another day
Live to smile at another stranger on the bus
Live to convince everyone else in your life that you are ok
Live to walk into another day
Live to know that one day you will die in the arm of loneliness
There is nothing else to fear
Yet the desire to run is there
The smallest hint of hope
That if you keep on running you will be ok
If you keep on moving
Put your faith in the hands of strangers
You will be able to out run loneliness
How much i want to be in someone’s arms right now
To forget this physical loneliness
And melt into another lonely soul’s arms
But i will sleep alone tonite
That i am sure of
Will i be lonely tonite
Maybe not...
Enough wine will keep me from being alone
But the alcohol is wearing out even now
I know what i have written
I will shower and sober up before i go to bed
I will sleep tight
And not let the bed bugs bite
