Home... Where is Home?

These last few days, I have this new unfamiliar feeling creeping into me... I do not understand it, I do not know what to do with it... I never thought it would ever be possible for me to feel this... given my circumstances and my choices in life... But there it is... I feel it now... and I do not like it...

I miss home... I want to go home...
But where is home?

I have moved around in my life, so much so that I don't know where home is anymore... Is this the karma now? Is this my punishment for leaving the people that I love? For running away?

I know how to handle loneliness, I know how to be alone and happy... I can take care of myself, I can take care of others... So why this? Why now? What does this mean?

Why do I want to go home now? Where is home? How did I get here? Where are my family? Where is home? Where else do I have to go to find home?

I want to feel that warmth... That feeling of being comfortable and safe... I want to know that everything will be ok... That I will be ok... I want that pet on the head, those embarrassing hugs and kisses... I want those long conversations in a cafe, I want those laughters and stupid jokes... I want to cook dinner for some one other than me... I want breakfast in bed... I want to lie in the sun in comfortable silence...

I am tired of trying... of going outside my comfort zone... of making an effort... of studying so hard... of proving myself... of telling myself it will all be alright...

I want to go home...
But damn it! Where is home? Damn it, where is it?!?