I remember once upon a time
When a kiss means something to me
A kiss from a boy that means he likes me
A naïve happiness of being kissed
Once upon a time
Now a kiss is just a kiss
I gave it freely even when I don’t even like the boy
It is now cheap… free… meaningless
A cynic is born
Every kiss I receive was just a kiss
A meaningless touching of lips
A kiss does not say I like you
Only means you are here and convenient and I need some form of human touch
A cynic does not like anyone
Does not feel anything
A cynic does not trust anyone
Let alone love anyone
A cynic lives only for herself
A cynic kisses freely
Made lust freely
Walk away freely
Could a cynic ever really be kissed again?
Could a cynic ever like anyone again?
Could a cynic ever have the courage to love again?
Could a cynic ever trust anyone again?
How long can I stay a cynic?
Last year, I was kissed again for the first time after a long time
A kiss that lasts all nite
A kiss I remember days after
A kiss I want to have again
A cynic is broken
I remember the moment that kiss became a kiss
When I let go of my defences
When I thought “O hell… I will enjoy it this time”
When I really kiss him back
When my lips became the extension of my heart again
Without her defences
A cynic is lost
Questioning everything
Not believing, that to some people
A kiss is still a kiss
How could it be?
That the kiss really means something
That it is not something given freely
Not something cheap
Not something he gave to anyone convenient
Is it possible?
That a real kiss still exists?
That the kiss was meant for me, and not for just anyone?
That it was not nothing to the other person?
Can a cynic make herself believe again?
Is it possible?
That someone thinks she is worth kissing?
That he is not kissing someone else the way he kissed her?
That she deserves real kisses?
Please… all of you who reads this
Never judge a cynic
We have our reasons
We have our justifications
The world out there
Is not all rosy and nice
We cynics
Are born from broken hearts
We have loved so much give so much
We are empty lovers
No more energy to spare, no more heart to be broken again
Now we live for ourselves
We are the only people we know who will always be there for us
I am a cynic
I am sorry for the troubles I’ve caused
The hearts I broke
The questions I asked
The reassurance I need
It will take
A lot of convincing
A lot of reassurance
A lot of courage
For me to believe
That I have been kissed again
Maybe I will end up believing
Maybe I will end up being a cynic forever
Maybe one day
Someone will be brave enough to love a cynic
Brave enough to love me
